I have to let go of this feeling.
So here I am saying goodbye and I hope you’ll find the right girl.
If we would meet again and you’d be with someone else, I would smile, even though my heart would want to cry.
Thank you for everything, Mon Petit Chou Chou.
Thank you for those sweet things you have shown me, though you weren’t sincere.
Thank you for the nice things you have said to me.
I want to tell you all of these in person, but I don’t know how.
You’ve been avoiding me.
I know you can’t read these letters because you don’t know the existence of this blog.
But if these letters will reach you, I just want you to know how happy I was when we were together.
After you have decided I am not worth it, I want to leave my job and leave this place.
You are the reason I have this strong desire to work abroad ASAP.
Staying here will not help me forget about you.
That’s how you have fractured my heart.
So I will be leaving soon.
What hurts me more is this…
I won’t ask you to come back.
I won’t ask you to love me back.
I won’t ask you to be with me forever.
Because I know you’ll choose to leave me again.
After more than a decade, there we met.
My heart could not stop from beating so fast while you were walking towards me.
When we walked side by side while going to that pizza house, my legs were getting weak because of nervousness.
While we were eating that big box of pizza, I was too restive to look into your eyes.
I was starstruck by you.
That was our first date.
You have awakened my lackluster love life after years of being dormant.
Sadly, it did not end happily.
This is how I feel when I think of you now. It pains me when I think of our “failed” romantic story. I just never thought I would experience this torment again. I just hope we did not meet again after graduating from college. If only I could go back from the day we exchanged IMs, I would never allow myself to chat with you.
In that way, I would not have to call you “Mon Petit Chou Chou.”
I would not have to struggle in forgetting about you.
I would not have allowed you to play with my feelings.
When I think of those moments when we were together, I want to cry and ask myself, “what if?” But it is too late for me. You won the game. And you left me with a wounded heart.
Yes, I am always busy and have no time to meet you in person. But that does not mean I don’t think of you every minute of the day. I always do. And it is killing me now.
Thankfully, I’ve realized early that you are not sincere. Although it hurts, I know I can move on. I know I will, even if it means leaving the country to forget about you.